News in Brief

A look back at today's headlines on Monday 6th April 2009
'Death camp Nazi' can be deported
"Shit. This can not end well for me," declares ex-member of the Third Reich

Schindler's List found in Sydney
"I have been looking for this for fucking ages, you wouldn't believe the number of Blockbusters' stores I've been in," says avid movie fan

Thai man jailed for royal insult
"He's royally screwed, we're putting him in E-wing, that's where we keep all the rapists," Prison chief tells court

Home Office website linked to porn
"We always knew they were a gigantic gang of wankers, now we have proof," says Internet whizz

MP expenses probe to be televised
"But we are going to charge you for watching it. Gotta make up the cash somewhere," say crooked lawmakers

History to stay in new curriculum
"Thank fuck for that," sigh history teachers

UN: no immediate action against North Korea
"We will let them off this time, it was just a fancy looking firework after all," World body declares

Robinho cleared after rape investigation
"Sorry, we didn't realise you were a footballer, you can stick your cock where ever you god damn please," investigators tell soccer star