Therapists to cure 'the gayness'

"Hey, you! Don't be silly, get your arse away from that man's willy!" announced as new anti-bumming slogan

Therapists are to offer new treatments in an effort to halt bumming, as all efforts so far, have failed to work on anyone even remotely fond of the colour pink.

Anti-gay therapists said that they have developed new unproven strategies to cure these sinners of their horrific ungodly urges and hope to have rid the UK completely of knob jockey's by the year 2012, just in time for the London Olympics.

"Everything we have tried to date has failed," said therapist Doctor Karl Therapist, the pioneering therapist in this new method, "first, we tried putting them in prison, that didn't work, it just encouraged more bumming. Then we tried whipping them, but they enjoyed that too much. We tried electrode therapy but we didn't actually know what that was, so we shelved that idea. Finally, we tried talking with them about their feelings, but that was just playing into their own hands. This new idea will hopefully work."

"We really do need to exterminate this terrible illness in time for the Olympics," he continued, "the Chinese are coming over, they don't even like disabled people for fucks sake, never mind homs, imagine if they were to see a woofter in a wheelchair, they'd never come back. The effects on our tourist industry could be absolutely devastating, we must all pray this works."

Speculation is rife as to what the new treatment will be but plans are being kept secret in case 'the devils minions' attempt to counteract these methods.

Other failed methods in the past include:
-The 80's acclaimed 'AID's scare' where a menopausal witch named Margaret Thatcher encourages males not to insert organs into each other 'else we'll end up like Africa you filthy, filthy boys'

-The 'too much of a bad thing' method which most people are familiar with when caught smoking by their parents and encouraged to smoke a whole pack at once. This method includes rimming an entire gay club one man at a time when caught rear-ending a fellow male.

-The 'if your hand is bigger than your face method' where young men are informed that if their hand is bigger than their face they are destined for a life of buggery, then when placing the hand over the face in order to check, a swift fist to the back of the hand is administered to ensure they learn that a broken nose is the consequence for any form of homosexual activity whatsoever

When asked what the treatments would be for Lesbianism, Therapist said there was no cure for that in the foreseeable future, adding "come on, even the Chinese love a bit of poon on poon. We're not trying to cure straight blokes for fucks sake."