North Korea told to put its tits away

"We can actually see your nipples," says Clinton

Hillary Rodham Clinton told North Korea yesterday to put its boobs back in its shirt and stop acting so provocatively.

The US Secretary of State: told the communist state "that skirt is too short as well, if you think you're going out dressed like that young lady you have another thing coming, honestly, I can nearly see your muff."

Clinton's remarks come as she is currently touring Asia, attempting to smarten up the dress sense of many Asia-Pacific nations.

"Japan looked nice," she said "it wore a nice frock with sensible shoes, Indonesia what with being a Muslim nation, opted for the traditional Bhurka, but North Korea just looked like a two-bit hooker."

Clinton went on to add that, if someone were to get into a situation which became rapidly out of their control at this gathering of nations, it would definitely be North Korea, adding "dress like a slut and you will be treated like a slut."

There was no reply from North Korea today as reports suggested it was getting fingered by Thailand up against a skip outside the local Morrisons.

Clinton headed to China today to make sure it wore a cardy tonight as Beijing is expecting more snow. "Wrap up warm now China, you're not a geordie for heaven's sake," she was quoted as saying.