Beckham to be dragged kicking and screaming back to LA

"I won't go, you can't make me!" says reluctant star
"Wanna motherfucking bet?" replies pissed off club

David Beckham announced today that he does not wish to return to the LA Galaxy from AC Milan by jumping up and down, stamping his feet, then fallen on the floor, rolling around with his eyes closed, crying and exclaiming "nooooooooo I don't wanna go back, all the other players are mean to me," with an increasingly high pitched tone.

The England star is refusing to return to LA Galaxy from the Italian giants as he has finally realised that the American 'soccer' league, the MLS, is in fact, a shite league to play in, which would leave him with absolutely no chance of playing for his beloved England team.

Friends of Beckham tried to convince the ex-England captain to go back to the club which he legally works for, and it was widely reported by witnesses that Beckham was seen holding onto the door frame, with wife, Victoria, holding onto his ankles as his body rose off the floor as she told him, "I know this is the fashion capital of the world David, but how will I get my Hollywood deals?"

The American 'soccer' giants have responded with fury, saying "that motherfucker bets to get his motherfuckin ass back here right motherfuckin now motherfucker else we pop a cap in his Motherfuckin overpaid ass motherfucker," directly telling Beckham himself: "We own you bitch!" It is rumoured that Galaxy have also been colaborating with local gang 'the Krips' in an effort to show the English megastar "wasssupp", with the gang claiming they have no idea who David Beckham is but they would have no problem popping a cap in his ass because AC Milan's outfit is red, the colour of gang rivals 'the bloods'.

A proffessor of law at the University of Liverpool, told us that "Galaxy pretty much have Becks by the golden balls at the moment, they are well within their rights to tell him to get his ass back to LA, they pay his wages afterall. It doesn't really take a law degree to work that out, now get out of my office, I have students to knob.. I mean... uh, papers to mark."

AC Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti has fully backed Beckham, saying: "why would David want to return to LA Galaxy, its laughable, he have the chance to play in the best league in the world, yet they want him to return to that crapshitstick of a girly league, he play better standard football in a school for how you say, retardo's."