BBC apologises for broadcasting something worth watching

"This is the last time, we promise" claims broadcaster of poor viewing
The BBC has angered viewers for a second time in four months by again broadcasting something actually worth watching.

Fans were left reeling on Friday when the breakfast show played something entertaining in the form of an unedited clip of actor Christian Bale throwing what was described by some as 'a bit of a wobbly' on the set of Terminator Salvation.

The foul-mouthed tirade by the Batman star clocked up a whopping 35 'fucks' in four minutes, nearly half the number that an episode of Channel 4's 'Hell's Kitchen' would broadcast in the same time period.

Last October, the BBC were embroiled in a similar scandal when radio presenters Russell Brand, and Jonathon Ross were broadcast making a mildly entertaining prank phone call to Fawlty Towers star Andrew Sachs where Ross left a message for Sachs claiming that Brand had "fucked your granddaughter", a claim she later did not deny. That instance of the BBC broadcasting something worth actually listening to racked up a total of 546 complaints from an estimated eleven listeners.

The BBC has long been an advocate of boring TV viewing, and has endeavoured to stop broadcasting anything good since 'Only Fools and Horses' was taken off air declaring at the time "sorry about that, we didn't realise how popular that would become, and if we had known that Del Boy was gonna fall through the bar in that one clip, we definitely wouldn't have bothered with it."

When asked if they feared any sort of competition in the broadcasting of entertaining viewing, a Channel 4 spokesman laughed hysterically down the phone for 23 minutes and 18 seconds before replying "that's made my fucking day that, I need to go change my trousers now."
An ITV spokesman on the other hand replied "have the BBC gone and ballsed up? SWEET! That'll take all the attention away from our recent gaffe." When asked what gaffe they were referring to they replied: "did I say gaffe? I meant.... Caf... as in.... cafe.... there's been uproar since they started selling a new brand of chips, must dash, I think I left the iron on," before hanging up abruptly.

A spokesman for the BBC said on Friday: "The BBC endeavours to bring its license payers TV dramas that would struggle to hold the attention of a human vegetable on Ritalin, and low budget soaps such as Eastenders where we have replaced any kind of talent with cholesterol buckets such as 'Heather' so you can't even crack one off to it in an effort to keep it as different as possible from Hollyoaks. Again, we apologise to anyone who was in any way entertained by this massive technical error." He also added "I must stress we are only apologising to license payers, the rest of you can sit on the pronged end of a fork, we're watching you, and we'll find you, you good for nothing, sponging, foreskin fillers."